Not all Men are Wankers…Just the ones you pick

‘All men are cheating scumbags’

‘All men are pricks’

‘You can’t trust men’

‘Men are wankers’

‘All men are players’

We all know that woman that constantly verbally bashes men in this way to anyone who will listen.  Telling you for a fact that there is ‘No good men out there’ Jog on! Now I am not saying us men are 100 per cent benevolent, nobody is man or woman. My gripe is if you actual look at the choice of men that these women have picked then you will see the actual problem.

‘The guys are complete wankers…and the women in question knew it before they even got with them’

If you walk through a dog shit infested park, expect to tread in dog shit. If you hook up with a narcissistic, player expect to be shitted on. You can’t knowingly get into something that you know is bad and then expect to cry about it and say all men are the same, when you constantly knowingly get with idiots.

Now there are many cases where women fall victim to guys who just totally trick them into believing they’re serious about them, that they want a relationship with them. Then soon as the men get what they want, they are gone, but I’m not talking about those tricksters or those situations. I’m talking about women who get involved with men knowing that they’re players and wankers.

I was watching First dates, and there was a guy on there that had a really exciting good job, ambitious, and had a lot in common with his date. Who then put him in the friend zone. This women in question called herself a massive raver, loved partying, described herself as spontaneous. One person on twitter said this about her

Chelsea is "spontaneous"apparently! I often find that is usually just polite for raving psycho!!!! #firstdates

And another guy described her like this

Chelsea will end up with Yemi when she's approaching forty and panicking. #firstdates #friendzone

Another girl called Corinne went on two awful dates with guys that were pretty much wankers, with her second date resorting her to tears.  To which she asked herself the question along this lines ‘Why can’t I found a nice guy who will like me for me?’

She then goes on a real good 3^rd date, with a real nice guy. At the end we found out nothing comes of the date.

My point of these examples is that there are tons of nice guys out there who will treat women with the respect they’re looking for and give them the romance they’re seeking, but they constantly overlook these guys for the wankers that they moan about.  Repeating the same pattern over and over again:

Meet wanker – give heart to wanker – wanker shits on it - Meet wanker – give heart to wanker – wanker shits on it - Meet wanker – give heart to wanker – wanker shits on it

Till finally the penny drops;

‘I’m getting on a bit now, all I’ve been dating is players and bad-boys I need to settle down and found myself a nice guy’

Those nice guys who chased after you, with you only to ignore them and friendzone them, are not around anymore, as they have settled down with nice girls who didn’t overlook them.

To quote that tweet again

Chelsea will end up with Yemi when she's approaching forty and panicking. #firstdates #friendzone

Don’t be a Chelsea.

The Texting Blues: The Post first Date Text

We’ve all been there with the post first date blues. You’ve gone on a date with someone whose company you really enjoyed and for a brucey bonus you also find them physically attractive. You get home, you text them to let them know you got home safely and to see if they did as well, and you think fuck it I will throw in I had a good time as well, you get a benevolent reply back and you find yourself imagining how good it would be to be their partner, the couple holidays your going to go on sun bathing by the pool hand in hand, your wedding your kid’s names, where in which you then softly fall asleep with optimism in the air.

You awake with a newfound energy, and a MGM musical spring in your step. Your commute to work doesn't seem so drag as you re-read the text from last night with optimism still filling the air. Then BANG!!!! Reality hits you:

‘I told them I was attracted to them telling them I would like to see them again, but they didn't say they was attracted to me back. Are they just being diplomatic?’

You start nitpicking and the paranoia kicks in

‘If they were attracted to me surely they would have said it back?’

You re-read the text again and now it reads like a standard auto reply for a polite fuck off. The post date text that actual means:

‘You’re a nice person sane and not weird, I don’t find you attractive, I had a nice time in the sense of, the time I allotted myself before making my getaway wasn't that painful. Please don’t text me as that way I don’t have to make up shitty excuses to get out of dates with you bye’

Your smile turns to a frown; your MGM musical spring has turned into a limp walk you’re crushed. You then start to think you reading too much into it, that you’re just being weird and paranoid, you tell yourself to chill the fuck out. Then the eternal battle that men and women have been fighting since the birth of the SMS, do I text them again or do I wait for them to text me?

It’s horrible the waiting its simply horrible. Waiting for that reply text after you’ve bitten the bullet and asked for another date or you’ve told them your undying love and now you’re waiting patiently with anguish like it's your GCSE’S, A-levels, degree and Gum clinic results all rolled into one.

Sometimes you get a reply back, other times you get total air-pie nothing at all. I don’t know what sex does it more brutal women or men? Women will argue men are total wankers for this, but ladies you’re just as brutal, but we blokes are guilty for the ‘Out of the Blue Horny Text.’ Which is a guy will take a girl out on a first date. The date will go well, really well the girl will text, won’t get a reply back, she will text again due to the fact both parties had such a good time ‘why would he ignore me?’ she will then get the shittest excuse ever for why he can’t see her again and then 5 months later without no contact the guy will send a message out of the blue with something along the lines of ‘Do you fancy a fuck?’

To conclude women and men, don’t be that wanker and put someone through the texting blues. Just be straight up and honest about if you’re on it or not. To be fair you get called a wanker for being honest (no matter how polite you’re about it) anyways, but its better to be honest and get an earful of abuse than giving someone radio silence leaving them thinking  ‘what did they do wrong?’ Better to be a wanker for doing the right thing.

Modern Love

I don’t believe in the notion of a soul mate or the one. I think there are many potential ‘soul mates’ (hate that term) out there for us. It’s all about timing and the right moment. So basically when you have your shit together, grown tired of sleeping with random women or men or just matured like a fine red wine.

How do you know you have met your Lois Lane?

If you know me, you will know I love comic books, if you don’t know – Lois Lane is Superman’s woman and is one of pop cultures endearing romances, but I digress. So how do you know you have met your Lois Lane? Here is a checklist

• He/she puts up with the stupid annoying shit you do and you can put up with theirs too. 
• He/she makes you want to be a better person 
• You enjoy spending time with them even when sex isn’t on the menu 
• You’re able to learn of each other 

That’s it really (in my opinion)

What Women Want

One of life’s most asked question What do women want?

Well I will tell you free of charge right now, what a woman wants is a guy to be the boss, you don’t have to be the alphas of alpha males but what you do need to do is let your girl (casually seeing, courting etc etc) know you firmly wear the trousers and that they're a good fit now and forever. Now I am not saying I am some sort of expert on women all I know about women you could fit in a shot glass, but what I do know is that a woman wants a man to be a man in the old fashioned sense of the word, a no nonsense guy who she feels safe and protected with.

No matter how strong headed or independent the woman is, a woman wants to feel looked after by her man mentally and physically even to the extent of her being put in her place by him (when it’s called for). Now fellas you can’t all of sudden a year into the relationship try and start to showcase you masculinity if you didn’t do it at the start, you need to start as you mean to go on because your girls just going to laugh at you for thinking all of a sudden you can wear the trousers. Yes we have all been there, when you meet a real nice girl and all of a sudden you turn into one big cliché of cheesy shows of affection, sheddding your masculinity to show this girl you’re a real nice catch, turning into a drenched wet blanket. When in reality all it takes is for you to be a man and show her you're the captain of this ship and just be a decent guy by being a gentlemen which is;

Not trying to drill her after the first date (hard I know but discipline)

Not even trying to kiss her on the first date (I put this 2^nd because certain guys try to drill even before a kiss has passed-naughty)

Not playing games that's what your PS3 is there for ( if you have a Xbox I hope you have better taste in your women than consoles)

Not letting her do all the chasing (should be 50/50 in my book)

Treat her with respect

And the greatest of all something I learnt from the first American Pie film is and I quote;

Oz: 'You ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and sh**

Stifler: ‘I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work.’

In reality it’s not a lot of work, because if you like the girl you could listen to what she has to say for hours upon hours zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (cheesy I know but thats for the chicks who might read this)