Girls who speak with slang

There is nothing more unattractive then hearing girls talk like rude boys with slang. Sounding like they could be Giggs’s hype man. 

‘Thats ard bodied’

‘On this ting’

‘Wa gwan’

‘Im a boss’

Please shut up your making my ears bleed.  When I hear girls refer to themselves as ‘I’m a boss’ I literally piss myself like a poorly potty trained toddler. ‘I’m a boss’ how can anyone sit there and not cringe when you have a lady describing herself as gangster a Gee, but I digress, guys who talk like this sound utterly ridiculous 100 per cent of the time but hearing girls talk like that...well that is a whole different level of ridiculous, but what is even worse is when women into their mid 30’s talk like this. It just makes me want to pick up a Collins Dictionary and beat them around the head with and then a run up and a whack with a Thesaurus hopefully both will have a positive effect.   

My ipod playlist for being stranded on a Desert Island

I 'm compiling a list of tunes that if I had to make a playlist on my ipod to accompany me being stranded on a desert island what tunes would be on it.

The first tune would have to be Dr Dre ft Snoop Dogg - Next Episode and here is the reason why

This tune will always have a firm place in my heart. This was the theme tune to my summer back in 2000. Imagine a dozen or so teenagers hanging standing atop a kitchen work top and slamming the cupboard doors of the kitchen units open and shut along to this tune. With someone by the CD player reloading the tune barely allowing a minute of it to play now imagine that going on for 20 minutes with everyone screaming LA DA DA DA  DA DA DA DA DAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That sums up a smidge of how much me and my boys abused this tune on are youth club weekend away to Pontins in Liverpool. I can close my eyes now and still see guys hanging out of windows, off kitchen cupboards screaming this tune as loud as they can pure and utter chaos. I also  love this tune because it takes me back to a time when me and my boys where still just boys just kids still knocking for each other to see if we was playing out. Taking whole loafs of bread from our houses to go gold fish fishing (we never caught anything) still in love with WWF wresting being able to tell all the wrestlers who had beef with who and who held each belt. So you get the drift a tune with a lot of nostalgia.  

'Top Boy' Why it didn't work for me

Top Boy had a massive advertising push by Channel 4 something they hadn’t done in a long time for a drama. A massive poster campaign accompanied, by numerous TV spots. In my eyes it didn’t live up to the buzz.  Don’t get me wrong I thought the acting was brilliant; the last scene where the young main protagonist goes to stab Ashley Walters character I thought was beautifully staged with the non diegetic music the acting in this scene was intense, powerful and wholly believable. My gripe with the show is that it’s another tale about poor working class kids in London’s ghettos selling drugs and stabbing and shooting each other we have seen this all before. Top Boy didn’t do anything new or fresh with this story and the message I got from the end of it is, that you can sell drugs, murder people get away with it and live the high life . Dramas like these should be a cautionary tale that this isn’t the way out of poverty not reinforce the council estate way of mind. They had the platform to do something fresh with this story; I believe if they had told the story through the depressed mothers eyes (the mother of the protagonist) I believe Top Boy would have told an innovative story and would have brought freshness to this tale.  I for one am quite bored of this portrayal of ‘supposed black culture’ (I say supposed in the thinnest way) in films and dramas, it’s like there isn’t any normal black people out there who don’t live this lifestyle.  Where are all the stories about the positive black kids who don’t turn to a life of crime?  We have so many black actors and writers who are from rough estates across London who have made it in their chosen professions, where are the stories about these people who overthrew obstacles in the right way?

Geordie Shore

Only in this lost generation that you can put together a group of foul mouthed people with lack of morals who drink themselves stupid and call it entertainment. Shows like Geordie shore is peasant TV. We truly live in a decrepit time. Can't people see as a viewing audience you are being sold second rate TV? I have never watched the show so you probably asking how can I comment on it? Well is the show about a group of people who go out shagging and drinking? Yep I don't have to watch the show to know that that is what it is completely about. From everything I have heard and read on this horrific show has told me everything. Something somewhere has gone horribly wrong in youth culture today and it will only get worse with shows like Geordie Show getting top billing giving the next generation low aspirations in life. As why aspire to be anything great when you can have fame and fortune for being a slag or a lager lout.        

How not to Cheat on your Girlfriend during Fresher's Week

I have written a new short screenplay it is a bit naughty in places so be aware here is the link hope you enjoy it here is the link

http://www.circalit.com/dtona/projects/project_1333900583/

Synopsis 

After a night out of drinking during Fresher's week a guy finds himself in a lustful embrace with a girl who is not his girlfriend. We see his Forest Gump like thinking of coming up with a way to get out of the situation or fail and succumb to temptation

When a girl is not Wifey Material

She goes out raving Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. SHE IS NOT WIFEY MATERIAL! we all know that bird who no matter what day it is she will be out raving it up with  her favorite catchphrase  ‘You only live once’ Yes we only live once but I am sure there are more important things to do then drink ourselves stupid in bars and clubs in my eyes this is a basic girl a basic girl is just a girl who has nothing interesting about herself whatsoever she’s just a shell a void of fresh air

 If she lives for the weekend then SHE IS NOT WIFEY MATERIAL! in my eyes this shows a lack of ambition (she is basic). From my own personal experience when I was working shitty jobs I was never living for the weekend. I was planning and working out what I can do to get myself out of those jobs and onto a successful career.  Not counting the hours down to 5 pm on Friday and going out getting off my face Friday and Saturday only to go back to work on Monday and moan about my job.  So if she’s living for the weekend that’s a big no no not wifey material

If she has more male friends then you then SHE IS NOT WIFEY MATERIAL! when you text her and ask her what’s she’s doing she texts back and tells you she’s at Jerome’s house, when you ring her and ask what she’s done today she tells you she went to see Michael, when you ask her what she’s going to do today she tells you she’s going to go see Korey.  Now there is nothing wrong with girls having male friends I haven’t got a problem in the slightest with that. The reason why I say she’s not wifey material if she has more male friends then you is because girls like this have one common trait they are all DICKHEADS! Whose favourite topic is themselves, their favourite pastime is talking about themselves to anyone who will listen.

She has pictures on Facebook of herself sitting on nightclub toilets with her knickers down her ankles with a WKD Blue in her hand. Also pictures of herself pissed up laid out on nightclub floors and public pavements with her knickers on display. SHE IS NOT WIFEY MATERIAL! because it isn’t classy and what is a woman who isn’t classy and lady like? Not a woman at all I tell you that for free.

What Women Want

One of life’s most asked question What do women want?

Well I will tell you free of charge right now, what a woman wants is a guy to be the boss, you don’t have to be the alphas of alpha males but what you do need to do is let your girl (casually seeing, courting etc etc) know you firmly wear the trousers and that they're a good fit now and forever. Now I am not saying I am some sort of expert on women all I know about women you could fit in a shot glass, but what I do know is that a woman wants a man to be a man in the old fashioned sense of the word, a no nonsense guy who she feels safe and protected with.

No matter how strong headed or independent the woman is, a woman wants to feel looked after by her man mentally and physically even to the extent of her being put in her place by him (when it’s called for). Now fellas you can’t all of sudden a year into the relationship try and start to showcase you masculinity if you didn’t do it at the start, you need to start as you mean to go on because your girls just going to laugh at you for thinking all of a sudden you can wear the trousers. Yes we have all been there, when you meet a real nice girl and all of a sudden you turn into one big cliché of cheesy shows of affection, sheddding your masculinity to show this girl you’re a real nice catch, turning into a drenched wet blanket. When in reality all it takes is for you to be a man and show her you're the captain of this ship and just be a decent guy by being a gentlemen which is;

Not trying to drill her after the first date (hard I know but discipline)

Not even trying to kiss her on the first date (I put this 2^nd because certain guys try to drill even before a kiss has passed-naughty)

Not playing games that's what your PS3 is there for ( if you have a Xbox I hope you have better taste in your women than consoles)

Not letting her do all the chasing (should be 50/50 in my book)

Treat her with respect

And the greatest of all something I learnt from the first American Pie film is and I quote;

Oz: 'You ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and sh**

Stifler: ‘I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work.’

In reality it’s not a lot of work, because if you like the girl you could listen to what she has to say for hours upon hours zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (cheesy I know but thats for the chicks who might read this)